I’ve already had sex… so now what?

Just because you already chose to have sex before you got married does not mean that you can’t start things over and re-commit yourself to a new, healthy way of life! Everyone deserves a second chance and we have faith that you have the strength to adopt an abstinent lifestyle. It is never too late to change your mind, to take care of yourself, and to have a fresh start.

You can still choose renewed virginity!

Secondary virginity is when an individual who has had premarital sex chooses to “start again” and re-commits to the value of waiting until marriage for sexual activity.

This decision is an acceptance of the past and an attempt to move forward in a new light. In other words, when one chooses to “reinvent” their virginity, they aren’t doing so on the pretenses of regaining their virginity simply to be able to say they are virgins, but rather to have a clean slate and a fresh start, and to recognize past mistakes and not repeat them in the future.

Anyone can choose to regain their virginity no matter what stage of the game they are in. Unfortunately, this can be difficult when you are surrounded by an environment that doesn’t lend itself to starting over. Some people state that they would love to have never had sex, but that they don’t want to stop now because “my boyfriend wouldn’t be too happy” or because “there isn’t any point now”. In these situations the best thing would be to remove your self from those negative influences. Reevaluate the people in your life; if your girlfriend/boyfriend wouldn’t approve of you suddenly abstaining from sex and returning to the fundamentals of your relationship, what foundation does your relationship have to stand on if she/he doesn’t support your decisions or beliefs?

You may ask yourself, what is the point of abstaining from sex once you have already had it a number of times? Because everyone who is sexually active is at risk for becoming a parent, getting an STD, or being emotionally hurt by premarital sexual activity. Choosing to abstain at any point before marriage demonstrates that you realize the value and importance of sex as an act reserved for marriage and that you realize the consequences that may occur as a result of premarital activity.

Remember: It may seem easier to keep things as they are without “rocking the boat”, but without change, no progress would be made!

After you have made this decision, try to find support from individuals who share similar values and stand firm with your decision. Remember… you are not alone and everyone has the right to say no and stick with their decisions!


Have the courage to:

  • Forgive yourself for bad sexual decisions
  • Leave sexual relationships
  • Make new friends who share and respect your choice
  • Raise the standard of people you date
  • Create worthy goals you can reach
  • Share your new commitment with close friends
  • Avoid settings that provoke sexual encounters
  • Face the potential risks to health and future
  • Exercise self-control

The road to hope begins with an announcement. You have glimpsed your dreams and you want to protect each step and each decision. You accept the challenge. You are willing to invest in good habits and healthy actions that build your future.


Why I will wait for sex:

  • To protect myself from heartache
  • To channel my energies into future goals
  • To discover deeper friendships
  • To escape the peer pressure
  • To stop the need for lying
  • To protect myself from disease and pregnancy
  • To avoid bad memories
  • To share something special with my mate
  • To avoid guilt and disappointment
  • To respect myself

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